Waft.

Me: neroli, pink pepper, bamboo, champaca, freesia, basmati, myrrh, green tea and musk.

You: stale alcohol.

We clash. I'm moving over to 'politics', but you have good taste in design magazines.

Blorp.

Her face had changed. It was narrow as ever but it seemed to me that her maker was remoulding it from the chin up. I wondered if I was wrong to peg her as one of the pretty girls in class.

Then it hit me.

She got fat.

Squosh.

I can feel my butt crack when I sit down.