Nyup.

I suppose even the humble tofu dreams of being sushi sometimes.

Thunk.

The other shoe has finally dropped.

Wrap.

I chuckled to myself and she asked to share in on the joke. It's nothing, I tittered. I just remembered how W. had come down with a cold one day in high school, and Y. had compared the little balls of used tissue on her desk to wontons. Wontons.

Gerrout.

Some long lost friends should just stay wedged into the deepest recesses of an old sofa, along with coins, old receipts and chewed on pencil stubs.

Whaa?

Mother has a new favorite pastime called "Skodu". She's shown remarkable progress in 48 hours.

Swoon.

My new favourite song is "I Fell In Love With A Dead Boy" sung by Antony and the Johnsons. It took me an hour to get home instead of the usual 20 minutes, because I kept having to stop, replay and weep.

Wah.

I have finished my bag of licorice allsorts and am down to my final slab of Fry's Turkish Delight. Can I have a shoulder to wail on?

Ack.

Shryh : Neat helmet.
Newbie: Uh, actually, that's my hair.
Shryh : OMFG, lay off the hairgel!
Newbie: Is it that bad?
Shryh (picks him up to use as a battering ram): Yes.

Jump.

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falling
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falling
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flailing
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flapping
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fallen. sometimes you can't change your mind halfway, you know?

Whoo.

I thought I smelt strawberry shortcake in the office, but it turned out to be the ghost of a strawberry shortcake.

Bleh.

World, why do you continue to test my patience with yellow and orange M&Ms?

Moan.

Please let the typhoon come on Monday instead of Sunday so I don't have to go to work. Then maybe I'll believe.

Tick tock.

For the past two weeks, I've arrived at work at precisely 9:12am. Who has the damn remote?

Grind.

I've had three dreams about rotting teeth so far.

Grrr.

Dear New Intern,

In the cramped conditions of our workplace, the space between my chair and the cabinets behind the chair is sacred. It is NOT a mini corridor and you may NOT walk through it. Like any other mammal, I will defend my territory against all intruders. The next time you trespass, I will "accidentally" back my chair into your knees and over your toes.

Warmest regards,
S.

Chew.

Lunch today was a small, fresh avocado and a small, low-fat Frappuccino.

Think.

Time to get a new white polo shirt: crocodile or polo player?

Sigh.

On some days, it's about making decisions that will change your life. On others, it's about placing one foot in front of the other.

Lub-dub.

Dragon Lady terrifies me, and she's in the office right now. Don't look, don't look, or you'll be turned into stone.

Meep.

Insignificant.

Phew.

The mould I found in my coffee mug turned out to be the skin from the milk I poured into the vessel... last Monday.

Oof.

I need a metal rod to stick down the back of my shirt so that I don't have to hold myself straight.

Snip.

I desperately need a haircut, but I trust no one but Ah B from Studio B.

Hah.

Behold, for I have cured myself of the common cold.

Wince.

Yesterday: Why, I believe I've gone beyond the threshold of pain! I can run a marathon in these babies!

Today: Hobble, hobble, hobble, hobble.

Merk.

I think a boy who gives you flowers on special occasions definitely expects you to bear his children if you two get hitched.

Bleah.

I believe it's my turn to be persona non grata at work this week. At least I defended my turf, even if I had to do it with toothpicks.

Blub.

Get thee away from me, pretzels! I've consumed so much salt and retained so much water that I could challenge the Dead sea and win.

Aiiieee.

Two lesser known circles of hell in the Inferno are Team-Building Exercises and Group Projects, left out by Dante because they were too horrible to even contemplate.

Urf.

I thought I'd get my hair done for the concert later that evening. A machine washed my hair. A MACHINE washed my HAIR.

Boom.

KABLOOIE!

Ouch.

My new shoes ate two of my old toes.

Woosh.

I spotted the perfect pair. I couldn't tear my eyes away from my feet. It was flat, black, strappy, French, UK size two and a half and thirty six percent off. Even with the discount it was pricey, but I didn't put a little bit of my salary each month into a rainy day fund for nothing.

Then I woke up.

Growl.

Demons have invaded my bag of dried cranberries because it was not resealable although it insisted otherwise, but the cranberries have lost none of their flavour.

Hush.

I wish I could just weave a cashmere cocoon around myself and turn off all the lights in the world before settling down to a long, dreamless sleep.

Thpbt.

I stuck my tongue out at Bruno the Boorish Bureaucrat's Beastly Back at a work meeting today and it felt goooood.

Ah!

Oh hello, I thought you'd stopped going to work altogether. Winter it may be, but I'd recognize those sausage calves and ankle boots anywhere!

Murmur.

I still remember the legislator with the soft, pulchritudinous hands that caressed and beguiled his constituents.

(Take that, Sophie Dahl.)

Arrrgh.

'You are' abbreviated is you're. You're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE!

Grkkk.

Really, you are wearing too much perfume if, at the end of the day, you are scurrying home from work in the twilight and your scent is so overpowering that poor little Paper-Pushing Penny, coming from the opposite direction with dreams of a hot dinner, keels over and dies right there on the pavement unprovoked.

Boink.

I thought eating raisins and grapes while drinking red wine was radical, but no one gave me a trophy, so I guess not.

Squawk.

Squaaaaaawwwwwk. Squawk squawk squawk squawk squawksquawksquawk squaaaawk!

Wink.

Keanu Reeves: wooden but pretty.

Ow.

"The only way to to deal with four-inch heels," I lectured, "Is to take one silver bullet, wedge it between your teeth and bite it. Hard. Take it or leave it, darling."

Snrk.

I dreamt last night that the cashier gave me change in $290 notes in shades of brown and khaki.

Huff.

Sir, I do not appreciate being scowled at for frowning at your tot who crashed into my knees, for clearly, I am not the one who needs to be leashed to a post outside the store.

Bling.

Why can't a person live on books and gemstones alone?

Blush.

The clerk at the post office has rouged two magenta circles onto the apples of her cheeks, reminding me, for some reason, of Olive Oyl.

Chug.

You really can chase the blues away with alcohol, but that's because all you can think of is how bloody uncomfortable and nauseous you are.

Sniff.

A. asked me where the courier went and I said I don't know. But I remember he smelled yummy, exactly like a grilled sausage where others reeked of tobacco and yellow teeth, and there's a bloody uniform in the trash can.

Mm.

The intern did the washing up without being told. Good boy! Good intern!

Gag.

My hairbrush with natural boar bristles smells like a fresh pig sty when I wash it out according to instructions.

Crunch.

Grape nuts, they are like gravel, which makes them fun to eat.

Oh.

On my right palm, the heart/relationships line is nothing but a broken chain from the beginning to the end.

Slurp.

I've taken to drinking green tea at work, but my mind thinks coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee the whole damned day.

Wha?

Am reading through a project proposal from India, and listed as an activity is "CULTUREAL YATRA AND SPREADING HANDBILLS". Sounds Kama Sutric.

Eh.

There is still no Chinese word for 'blog', or so it seems.