Chomp.

You say that you have plans for me. But you assume that I won't run away with the circus before the year is out.

Choke.

I continue to hate it here.

Whooooooooooooooooooosh!

The title says it all.

A-tishoo.

I sneezed at a puppy and it went on the defensive, thinking I was about to attack it.

Poop.

The dog's equanimity as it stares back at you while it poops on the grass is equally admirable and contemptible.

Woof.

Maybe I should get a Siberian Husky.

Nah, we have enough dogs as it is. Plus, they're kind of stupid. Bred to pull sleds.

Yeah. Still, they look so alert and intelligent, you know?

(New voice) True, but pigs are very intelligent animals. And they look like...

Pigs.

Yeh.

Ting.

Pores are, like, holes on your face.

Tock.

Delay aging?

Die young.

Rrrr?

Q: I thought you said you were getting dressed?
A: I did. I put on a bra.

Mine.

It shall henceforth be declared the my favourite letter of the alphabet is 'Q', and that no-one else may claim it as their favourite... on pain of DEATH.

I mean it.

Huh.

All it takes to get a wall clock working is one AA battery and a hook on the wall. That simple! Who knew?

Huff.

I tasted the milk chocolate, the vanilla, a little of the bourbon but not the Madagascar. In which case, Neuhaus, just call it Vanilla Bourbon milk chocolate.

Thunder.

Should I dress to match the weather, or should I dress as an antidote to the weather?

Hmm.

Wearing the red silk would have upstaged the bride.

Nod.

"Is it my turn? Goodness gracious, the doctor's running late today! Can I go first? I live 30 miles away, you know. I called before I came so shouldn't you have put me ahead of the queue? Oh, first come first serve? Yeah, so, the last time I was here was a couple of years ago. I came with my daughter. I had a thyroid problem and she had several lumps in her *mumble*. I keep telling her it's because she eats too many gingko nuts and takes too many hot showers. We're here together again, only this time, she's *mumble* and I want the doctor to take a look at *mumble*. I have piles."

Shimmer.

Sunset in a bottle, sunset on my toes.

Yoink.

I will just sit here and die from my oyster cravings.

Giggle.

I got flowers.

AAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

You may put "Ending up with fewer rows than she started with killed her" on my tombstone.

Breathe.

Breathe.

BREATHE.

Whoo.

Keeping A Stuff Upper Lip turns 1 today. Send presents.

Bitch.

When you have nothing but a couple of shamefaced cakes in your store, and yet are able to print your own logoed plastic bags, you can be sure I want to know who your sugar daddy is.

Ka-ching.

The woman in front of us rang up 666.66 worth of groceries. Minions of Satan sport streaky blush and bad liquid liner jobs.